Rant as a result of Heath Ledger's passing

1) First of all, I feel I must address the Heath Ledger issue. Why the FRICK did his stupid housekeeper call Mary Kate Olsen before she called 911?? Who in his/her right mind sees a naked guy lying face down on his bed, oh yeah and NOT BREATHING, and thinks "I know...I'll call whatever the hell is the first phone number I see in his cell phone...That person will no doubt know what to do...MARY KATE TO THE RESCUE!!!!" I mean come ON! AND, it doesn't even stop there! Mary Kate, bless her itsy-bitsy heart, proceeds to call her bodyguard when hearing the news of her friend's cessation of respiration (note the continuing absence of police and/or ambulance in these perplexing and frustrating clusterfuck of unfolding events). Poor Heath really had some first class dolts working for him. I'm not saying if the housekeeper had called 911 before the teeny-tiny Olsen twin that Heath would still be with us today, I just wanted to rant about the random idiocy of those involved.
2) Eels. Why? Why do these creatures exist? I know, in evolutionarily and ecosystem-balancing terms, there must be a great explanation for them, but just for the sake of randomness...does the world really need these horrifyingly ugly, slimy, eerie, evil, slippery, underwater-hole-dwelling monsters? I submit that it does NOT.
3) On the subject of monetary coinage- pennies- will there ever be a time when these one-cent copper discs become obsolete? It seems that all they're good for is weighing down purses, wallets, and pockets. Everyone has an extensive penny collection whether they want one or not, because even when we have the rare intention of using them in our attempt to provide exact change to that nice lady in the Arby's drive through, we inevitably are hit by a wave of laziness and pull out a 20 at the last minute because the idea of counting out all those little coins then risking dropping them and having to start all over is just far too daunting a task for the day. Thus, the 20, that beautiful, easy to carry, lightweight, pristine 20 dollar bill, is viciously broken up into dozens of smaller bills and coins only adding to our ever-growing stash of pennies and perpetuating the tiny-tender-buildup cycle.
4) This random thought goes out to our buddy Stallone- why all the remakes, Sly? Has no one told you you're 61 years old? Will those steroids you took for Rambo (and most likely Rocky Balboa) interact with your viagra and smattering of other old-man medication? Be careful, dude. I hear there's a scene in Rambo in which Stallone actually punches a guy's head off. Just punches it right off the neck...snap. If that doesn't make you want to see it, i don't know what will. So in light of all these remakes, what do you reckon we'll see from him next? Another Cliffhanger? What about Over The Top 2? I personally would love to see Demolition Man 2: John Spartan vs. the Three Seashells.
5) And finally, a truly random observation...I've noticed throughout my typing of this email, I have the tendency to capitalize words right in the middle of sentences...and they're not titles or proper nouns or anything like that, just random words...it's like my pinkie finger starts missing the Shift key (!there's an example!!) and wanders over there independent of my control. As a result of the wayward finger, I've had to make several corrections, changing many unnecessary capitals to lowercase. This has taken some time. I think I should seek professional Help...damn it. I Can't Be Stopped!